In my previous post, I described a conclusion that took many years to reach. The metaphysical ladder I had spent so long climbing does not top out in a personal deity.
Natural theology, philosophy and mysticism may lead to an ultimate reality. They may lead to the Ground of Being, the Absolute, the One or some unitive foundation underlying existence itself. What they do not seem to lead to is a personal God who knows, loves, guides and desires relationship with humanity.
That forces a question.
Where does that leave me?
Not, as some might suppose, in a purely secular materialism.
I remain unconvinced by reductionist accounts of consciousness and continue to believe that reality possesses a depth and mystery worthy of contemplation. My own spirituality remains very much alive, though it is no longer theistic in character.
For many years, I assumed that if I kept searching I would eventually arrive at a personal God. I searched scripture. I listened to Christian testimony. I explored mystical traditions. I climbed as far as philosophy and metaphysics could take me.
I no longer believe those paths lead where I thought they did.
If a personal God exists, I no longer think that God is reached through metaphysical speculation, arguments about consciousness, or experiences of unity and transcendence.
I have reached the end of that particular quest.
This is not a declaration that a personal God is impossible. Nor is it a challenge thrown at heaven.
It is simply an acknowledgement that I can only follow the evidence and experience available to me, and they have led elsewhere.
The spirituality that remains is non-theistic, non-dual in outlook, deeply rooted in nature, and shaped by direct experience rather than revelation. Forests, coastlines, storms, silence and the changing seasons have become more important to me than doctrines or dogmas.
In future posts, I want to explore what that actually means in practice.
What does ritual look like without theism?
What does reverence look like without worship?
What does one celebrate, commemorate, or sanctify when one’s spirituality is grounded in nature rather than in a divine person?
Those questions interest me far more now than further attempts to prove or disprove God.
The search for a personal deity has brought me as far as it can.
For the time being, I am content to explore the spiritual landscape in which I have actually arrived.
And with Nos Calan Gaeaf approaching, that seems as good a place as any to begin.
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